Home Features On the Scene with Nadine How to get out of a Dating Rut



Television personality and AZfoothills.com columnist Nadine Toren is scouring the area, finding savvy Valley features, bringing readers “on the scene.” Every day she’ll introduce you to celebrities, athletes, and give you an inside look into local events and hot spots. She'll touch on topical issues, and keep AZ fans posted on all the big talkers around town.


Feeling sorry for yourself, single lady?  Well, fear not!  Here's how you can get out of a dating rut.


The single life…we’ve all been there at some point.  Yes, it’s that fun; yet, unfulfilling world of dating—a difficult and often tiring quest to find true love.  If you’re newly on the market, today’s sermon is for you, courtesy of Lennie Ross, relationship author and blogger.

Ross says you’ll first need to distinguish how men and women view relationships.  I think we can all agree gals are more future-forward than men—seemingly planning their wedding, children, and happily-ever-after following the first date.  On the flip side, guys tend to worry more about their career, rather taking the relationship one day at a time.  Once we accept these differences, we can better be aware of our actions and each other’s needs.

Ross says there’s a science to the first, second, and third date.  In the first couple seconds, there has to been some kind of sexual spark—yep, physical attraction is inevitably important.  Once that’s sealed, the first date should be fun, flirty, and frivolous—not touching on serious stuff like marriage, family, politics, or religion.  Consider it similar to a job interview.

However, date #2 and #3 are a little more intimate; however, Ross feels you need to do this emotionally instead of physically.  Take the opportunity to discuss common interests and viewpoints…after that, consider moving on to that next level.

Her biggest tip to getting back in the game is not dwelling on any past relationship.  Avoid bringing baggage to the table and don’t compare your current prospect to any previous partner.  Most importantly, stay positive, take pride in your physical self, and manifest all things good.  And while it’s easier said than done, socialize!  You can’t meet anyone feeling sorry for yourself at home.

Speaking of wanting to stay home curled up on the sofa ice-cream carton in hand…Ross has three simple rules to getting out of a dating rut.  Before we spill her secrets, let’s define what a rut actually is: it’s when you don’t date, don’t want to date, and don’t make any effort to date.  (Those in ruts are usually those sick of match.com-like websites.)

Therefore, if you consider yourself in a rut, here’s what you need to know.  (Embrace yourself—we’re being brutal.)

Ross say your first step is to get a life.  This means becoming your own best friend and doing things for you.  Take a class, volunteer, join a book club—opt for anything that interests you that can keep you busy.  Often times making yourself a priority boosts your ego, and this positive aura will shine whenever you do happen too meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.  Truth be told, you might not meet a man (or woman) doing your activity of choice, but it will help you have some fun during down times. 

Next, Ross suggests skipping bad dates.  Allow me to explain.  Don’t just go on any date to score a free dinner.  While you should be open-minded, Ross says if your gut tells you someone does not meet your criteria, trust it.  Learn how to say “no.”

In relation, the less you force yourself to date, the more you’ll enjoy going out when you do have initial interest in someone!

And finally, find your inner-supermodel.  Yes, Ross suggests feeling like an A-lister—put TLC into working on your physical appearance.  Commit to working out if you need to shed some pounds, and treat yourself to facials, manis, pedis, and waxes.  Pampering yourself happens to work wonders…looking good will boost your self-esteem, allowing you to radiate outwards the beautiful person you are within. 

For more dating tips, visit www.lennieross.com.

rsz nadine