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Psychiatrist Michael Yasinski M.D. answers the question: How do I know that I am ready to start a new relationship?


 As one relationship comes to an end, people often begin the search for a replacement immediately. Fear of being alone often drives this phenomenon, and it is a frequent scenario I see with my patients. “How do I know that I am ready to start a new relationship?” Here is what I tell my patients:

Time-wise, the answer varies widely from person to person as it depends on whether or not you can achieve personal growth and successfully implement necessary changes in yourself. Regardless
of who was at fault or what went wrong in a past relationship, you can always learn valuable lessons which can be applied to future relationships to increase the odds of success.

Take time to grieve the loss of the relationship but begin to focus on constructive ways in which you can learn from the past and apply them to the future. Feeling productive will keep you moving in a forward direction which is imperative to prevent falling back into a broken relationship or becoming consumed with debilitating grief.

The process begins by analyzing yourself and the role you played in the relationship’s demise. Being open to admitting our faults allows us to begin to change negative patterns we have. These patterns,
if left unchanged, will likely continue to negatively impact future relationships. Success and personal growth in all facets of life come from making mistakes and learning from them. If we focus on growth rather than grief, we can quite quickly emerge from the black hole of a broken heart to the optimistic future of endless possibilities.

The goal of self-improvement is to repair any inner-emotional weaknesses. These emotional deficits are typically what draw us to the wrong type of person in the first place in an unconscious attempt to heal our fractured ego. Temporarily successful in the beginning with the excitement and euphoria which erupt in a new love affair, these relationships often quickly falter as the luster wears off.

How do you choose the right person? Only when you are able to be completely happy and fulfilled by yourself can you then complement your life with the right partner. Supplementing an already happy life where you have no feelings of emptiness or loneliness will lead to finding the right match rather than choosing someone to fill a gaping hole within our unconscious emotional self.

Before you jump into a new relationship ask yourself these questions: Have I been honest with myself and identified my own faults? Have I addressed and repaired these flaws? Am I fulfilled as an individual by myself without feeling the need to be with someone? If you answered “yes” to all three questions, you have drastically increased your chance of future success.

Yasinski Psychiatry www.yasinskipsychiatry.com.