I remember walking thru the grocery store and the thoughts of “am I every going to have a normal relationship with food” would go through my head. Sometimes I would cancel clients or change around my day so that I could go home to eat…..and not just eat a normal meal but binge on all different types of foods. It’s crazy to think back on it and look how far I have come….battling my mind and food issues to the point I am at now, healthy and happy.
How did I get to that point of walking through the grocery store and salivating over what I wanted to binge on or sit at home “alone” and eat till I was sick? In high school and when I was young…I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. My day was not surrounded by food or thinking about what I could and could not eat. Many things attributed to those extreme behaviors as I got older and one of them was the act of “depriving” oneself. Now you do not have to be a competitor to develop issues with food….media, society, friends and family can all attribute to these issues . With my issues, it just so happened it was years of extreme dieting….and when my body became stubborn I became even more extreme.
At the time, it is what I chose to do. Would I go back and change my decisions and actions? Absolutely not! It taught me so much, made me stronger, I began to appreciate my health and not just my physical body but my internal health as well and it allowed me to live it so that I may share my story to help others. In the height of my competition days I would pass on perfectly healthy fruit only to binge on cookies later…then I would feel completely guilty and shameful for days and pay the price by hours of cardio. What was this warped way of thinking? It was pure misery….never happy, satisfied and in a constant state of hunger.
Today…years after my last competition I have found a true balance. To me, balance is making a choice and being happy with that choice…no shame, no guilt. I also no longer chase perfection because I now know that perfection is not attainable…only self acceptance is.
So coming into this New Year…DO NOT DIET. Make healthy choices, be active, be positive and most importantly DO NOT GIVE UP. Time will pass like it always does and you will be so grateful that you started when you did!
Thank you so much for reading!