As I sit here perusing last minute Halloween costume ideas it occurs to me how many naturally scary makeup, hair and fashion trends we have seen over the years. In fact every time I watch old movies from the 50’s and 60’s I find myself wishing that perhaps we had not come quite so far in our beauty and fashion evolution. Think about Breakfast at Tiffany’s, To Catch a Thief or even the show Mad Men as compared to almost any reality show on tv ie: Jersey Shore, and you get what I mean.
So, for now let’s revel in some of my least favorite beauty trends of (almost) all time…. And if you are still in need of a costume for tonight…perhaps these will inspire you anyway.
Poufy bangs aka “mall bangs” yes I did kind of…we all did, some more than others…and some still don’t know when to put down the hairspray. Even better when poufy bangs were paired with copious amounts of red blush in the 80’s it was ever more disastrous. If you do want to turn this to a Halloween costume a clingy brightly colored tube dress, matching heels, ridiculously kitschy earrings and a big black belt and you will cinch any 80’s costume contest.
Oompa Loompa Tans
I am not sure when it happened exactly but somehow the 60’s Coppertone, then 80’s Ban de Soliel golden tans morphed into the 2000’s uber dark cheetos like bronze. And somehow we accept it just as much as we accept blaring ultra white teeth as being natural. Sport this look on the body with a pale face and streaks of brown blush and you have Lindsey Lohan’s latest courtroom appearance.
Plastic (that’s not) Fantastic
Don’t get me wrong…I am all for self- improvement but hasn’t it become a tad nutty? A little nip, tuck or filler has become as common as coloring ones hair but the influx of young girls that think their value comes from looking perfect scares the pants off me….Exhibit 1-Heidi Montag. Exhibit 2 Courtney Love, Joselyn Wildernstein (who is actually reversing some of the Catwomen chaos these days) Need I go on? There’s a stopping point… it’s the place where the face is smooth but still moves with your expressions, cleavage is perky and lips look full not like a trout asking for a kiss. Moderation is key.
Oddly shaped talons
Long nails can be so uber chic but what about those popular shapes that make absolutely no sense….this year it’s the “stiletto”nail those crazy long pointed ovals not meant for any girl who washes dishes or even wears contacts….and let’s not forget about those super-square, super- long fake nails a ‘la Jerseys favorite chicks from Snooki to Carmella Soprano. The Jersey girl/Snooki costume is self explanatory… just add a bump it and an oompa loompa tan.
I’m not sure who ever thought that dark unblended lipliner and pale lipstick was a really flattering idea (maybe Elvira) but somehow the look lives on no matter how many beauty tips are out there to the contrary. This look was meant for the stage…. Not only that, dark lip liner is terribly aging aside from being dated. Blend, blend, blend.
Visible hair extensions
Again this frail haired blogger is all for the addition of well matched, properly applied faux hair but for goodness sakes no one is lulled into thinking that those stubby, short pieces on the top of the head magically morph into luscious Rapunzel like locks from the ears down. But, clip in a few poorly places wefts and a body hugging black leather mini, a wad of Bubbilicious and you can double for Britney shortly after her clipper loving fiasco.